#18 "Blessed are the cracked for they let in the light"

I read that quote in one of my Gran's books; it took me a while to work it out, and to be honest I'm still not completely certain I understand it.

I believe it could be that that the people that are considered damaged, are better people. They carry on regardless of their past, which they've accepted, and they let their experiences shape them into a stronger and better person. They learn that things happen that are out of your control, so you need to go with it. Just because one person hurts you, doesn't mean everyone else will. Just because something didn't turn out right, doesn't mean it won't in the future. They learn to accept everyone, because they know how it feels to be judged and defined by their past.

Everyone deserves to live their life in the way they want, 'damaged' or not. If people try and get in the way of that, let them try, but don't let them succeed. Some of the most inspiring people on earth are the most eccentric; Bob Dylan, Andy Warhol and Bjork to name just a few!

There's no revenge sweeter than success and a side order of happiness.

#17 The jigsaw puzzle

Every jigsaw piece has a different size, shape and image. Since when is difference only acceptable in jigsaw boxes?
If every piece was the same, no one would 'fit' anywhere. There would be no big picture.

There is a big picture and each DIFFERENT piece is included in it, whether you're a central piece or a corner. You're included, you have your own part and you're just as important as the pieces that attract more attention.

Puzzle pieces are set into a certain shape to fit into a certain place, it is meant to be in that certain place and no one can change that. Allow the puzzle piece to go where it's meant to go, if you don't, the big picture will just turn out wrong.

The jigsaw puzzle I'm referring to is life, and we are all the pieces of it. We each have our place no matter who ignores us or believes we are weird, or less important. Find what makes you different and champion it, it's what makes you, you. Let people see it; if they accept it, great! If not, they're the ones losing out.

#16 Fighting for the spotlight

Okay so, when I said 'trust me' in "Swag or class?", it means I've experienced it and I know how it feels. You get the guy that can get a lot of girls, and you feel proud, not only have you got the guy that you have feelings for, but you've got the guy that other girls want. He has so much opportunity and he chose you...yay.
That rush dies down you notice him still talking to those girls that you saw as your competition, still liking their photo's on Facebook and him telling you how girls he'd been with; you realise you had no idea about the majority of them and you start to wonder how good he is at hiding things. You worry. You doubt, And you over-react.

What I'm tyring to say id, don't put yourself into that situation. It will only end badly.
Go for the guy that is sweet, compliments you(but isn't a creeper) and does some of the classic gentlemanly things. I know it's cliche but come on girls...do you really want to be with someone that makes you feel insecure, instead of someone that would carry your shopping bags for you?

Go for the guy that you're eager to impress, but not the one that will keep you fighting for the spotlight.

#15 Swag or class

Writing "What makes a 'lad'?" caused me to realise that it's usually the 'lads' that get girlfriends...wait, what!?

But who's fault is that? *cough* girl's *cough*
Lads are said to have swag, that's when they walk like an ape. And men are said to have class; that's when they're polite. Why go for an ape?

Go for a guy that you know will treat you right. Go for one that is a kind person; one that isn't DISGUSTING enough to insult your friends to get laughs by making 'hilarious' jokes about their weight or appearance. If they do this, get rid. Simples. It's not right, it's not fair and he'll only do the same to you at some point down the line.

It may seem amazing and fun to go for the guy that gets all of the attention, but TRUST ME, it isn't.

#14 "Such a lad"

I hear people using this word daily, drives me mental if I'm honest. They usually refer to someone as a 'lad' after they say something either rude, offensive, or just plain irritating. The 'lads' may refer to this as banter, or a joke, but it's only a joke if the two parties(joker and jokee) are laughing, if it's only the joker laughing, you're making a joke out of someone, and if that's what makes you a lad, why would anyone want to be one? Boys seem to see it as an accomplishment or a word of praise, I'd much prefer to be able to call someone a gentleman!

Referring to boys as 'lads', devalues what Wikipedia says. If every "boy or young man" was like the lads at my school, there would be a major problem.

#13 Who needs a man, anyway?

So, your relationship ends, you follow it up with a few days of carbs, tears and the infamous 'break up playlist'...and now you want to risk repeating it all; you want your ex back, the person that just ended the relationship, caused you to eat your entire body weight in Ben & Jerry's and spend your savings on boxes of Kleenex. Then, when you realise how much of a wasteman he was, you're up for going out and finding someone else. You think to yourself, "I'm going to find the one, no problem, it'll happen. I'll walk into a cafe, our eyes will meet over the crowded room, Celine Deon will start playing through the speakers and we'll live happily ever after"...okay, hm, NO.

Why do you need a man? Take time out; be you, travel, find a hobby that you can be passionate about. A woman who knows what she wants and how to get it will either intimidate or inspire a man; you want one that feels inspired. Don't go out and look for the one, it won't happen! If you get into the mind set of 'I need a man, I need to find one', not only will you miss opportunities elsewhere, but you'll scare most possibilities away!

Women are pressured by society to be perfect. The perfect partner, daughter, friend...what about you and what you want? Focus on improving YOUR life rather than everyone else's, be a little selfish once in a while, otherwise you won't get anywhere! It's okay to live your own life, its okay to make your own mistakes. One day you'll have a family of your own, and that will be your priority, and rightly so. But until then, LIVE YOUR LIFE. Living by the rules and expectations of others is unfair, unrealistic and EXHAUSTING!

I'm not saying walk around firing death stares at everyone, or crap on everyone who's in a good mood when you're not, all I'm saying is do what makes you happy, just don't begin doing things which you know will hurt people. You'll be no good to anyone if you don't do you now, and then you're in a relationship, you have a family, and you're resentful. Get it out of your system now or you'll just feel stuck and unhappy later on. Until you do that, society will just have to suck it!

I can't stress enough how much you need to know who you are before you can be in a happy relationship. I think it should be enough to want someone; isn't it nice if your someone's choice rather than necessity? If you know who you are, you know who you want.

Stop searching and you will find!

#12 Fight or Flight?

There comes a time when caveman instincts are all that you have left. Do you fight for something that you want and risk wasting lots of time and effort, or do you take flight and risk the gain of a regret?

There are positives and negatives in both options:

Fight:
+ It may turn out to be worth your while
+ You can say that you tried your best, even if it doesn't go to plan
- You are risking feeling like a failure
- The effort may not be reciprocated (depending on the situation) leaving you hurt

Flight:
+You get out without getting hurt or disappointed
+You don't have something to add to a list of failures
-You may regret it in the long run
-You risk hurting or disappointing the other people involved

So, now it's all a case of what's more important for you to avoid; being hurt, or hurting others. Are some situations simply beyond justification, should you 'go with your gut'?

No one can decide that for you, you are the only one with the answer to the question in the title!

#11 Who cares?

This is mainly aimed at people in foster care, but I hope that even if you've not experienced it yourself, you'll read it and appreciate what some chldren have to deal with...

I used to think that social workers were interfering and hopeless, but that was before I fully understood what their job entails. Unless they're all heartless robots, it must be so difficult for them to see children going through hell, not living the life that children should live and being harmed(emotionally and/or physically) in the place that they should be safest; their home.

When I was moved from living in Coventry with my mum, to Salisbury living with my auntie and two cousins, I was confused. I was sad to be away from my mum, but I never spoke to anyone about it; I didn't want to talk to my social worker, I barely knew them. I didn't want to speak to my auntie or cousins because I didn't know where to start, it was a confusing time for me to go through, I was only young and I had to deal with a situation that I don't believe any child should ever go through.

But that reality of the matter is that it does happen, and it happens much more than it should.
So what can we do? As the 'looked after children', we need to respect the social workers that we are given, we need to find out anything we want to know. The sooner you understand why you're in the situation that you're in, the sooner you can accept it. We can't let it ruin us, we need to take whatever's thrown at us, no matter how difficult, and let it shape us into a strong, independant person that can achieve anything they want despite their difficult background. We also need to understand that whatever the social workers do, they do it for our benefit, they won't ever try to make things more difficult than they already are. It took me a while to realise that but when I did, I was a lot more at ease in the presence of my social worker, I was a lot happier and I became more comfortable.

Before I understood all of what I've described in the previous paragraph, I always felt uneasy. I felt as if I'd go home from school one day and someone would be there with a packed suitcase waiting to take me back to Coventry. I moved several times so it took a long time to get rid of that feeling. That's really not a great feeling for anyone to go through, however it will happen to anyone in that situation, but it will pass. Sooner or later you'll feel at ease with yourself, your care worker, your carers as well as your parent/s. Trust me!

I also used to want to go back to Coventry, but now I've realised that being in Salisbury is what's best for me. I've grown so much as a person; from a young girl that never thought about the future, to a girl that can't wait to experience her life. I'm still unsure of where I consider my home, however this feeling just makes me more eager to discover it. I want to know and experience so much, but most of all I want to make a difference. I want to help as many people as I can and that's why I want a job in social care; I want to share my experiences and show people that just because you got hurt, doesn't mean it's time to give up.

#10 What is art?

Art.
What is it?
Who has the right to decide?
How is art defined?
Can it be controlled?

Art is "the quality, production, expression or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance"...eh? Basically, art is art.
No one has the right to decide.
Art is defined by the eye of the viewer and the artist themselves.
Art is uncontrollable; art is everywhere, and art is everything.


I find it quite ironic how those artist who were unique and their eccentricity translated into their artwork, who wanted to show that one difference could be appreciated, are now mass produced so that their work becomes almost regular/normal/understated...

Andy Warhol; a leading figure in the visual art movement. His work is well known, and rightly so. However, I feel his work has lost some of its original 'wow factor' due to the fact that it isn't unique to one place, one gallery, one person. I understand and agree that talented works such as his should be seen by everyone, but I also feel that when something is so unique, it should be left to be unique, it should be allowed to be original and not have zillions of copies of it flying around! Sure, advertise it until people are sick of seeing it, but why reprint something so impressive? Then everyone can have it, so no one will want it. Isn't it better to be admired and sought after rather than something that everyone can have a piece of?

Pablo Picasso; co-founder or the Cubist movement, co-inventor of collage, regarded as one of the greatest and most influential artists of the 20th Century as well as being one of the artists who defined the revolutionary developments in plastic arts. Impressive? I think so; the man invented collage! Imagine putting that onto a CV!
He once said "Art is a lie that makes us realise the truth". Think of your favourite novel, it's fiction, so it isn't true, therefore a lie. But it has meaning to you. Why? It forms a realisation of a situation in your life reflected somehow, no matter how obviously, in that novel, so it becomes true to you. It's the same with art; the colours may reflect you mood, the shading may imply the darker and lighter side of your personality, the textures may interest you and make you realise how you were feeling at a certain time. It's all "may" this and "may" that, because it depends on you as the viewer. I advise you not to look at the painting, but to see the painting. See the story behind each part; the colours, the shades, the tones, the texture, the shape. Everything.

Only then will the art become true for you.

#9 "You made me who I am, from the words you said"

Is it right for one person, or even a group of people, to have impact on how you view yourself? To put it simply, no.
I have never, and will never understand why anyone would want the power to make someone unhappy, uncomfortable or want to change how they look, or who they are.
You're born the way you are for a reason, no matter what they may be. But one reason I'm pretty sure it isn't, is so that someone could change you.
If someone wants you to change, why are they in your life?

I was in a situation a while ago where I had intense amounts of love and respect for someone, I thought this person was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He then started to give me 'advice' or 'constructive criticism', let's just say it was always more critical than constructive.

He changed me, he thought it was for the better, nobody else did; including me. But because this was they guy that I'd wanted to be with for so long and the one that I believe I loved, I did it. I followed his 'advice' and changed what he wanted me to change as much as I could.
I wore less make up, I wore my hair up, I tried to improve the quality of my skin. They may sound like small changes, things that should be insignificant, but I've always been a strong and guarded person. The big hair and the make up were my comfort blankets, when they were gone I felt insecure. He knew this. But he continued with the criticism. It's only now that I'm starting to think that he wanted to make me feel that way, he wanted me to be vulnerable so that I would be easily influenced, or less confident.

I've never been fully happy with my looks, but I used to be comfortable, and that was enough for me. Then along with his criticisms, along came the insecurities, he has made me uncomfortable and unhappy with the way I look.
He knew how much I needed my guard up, yet he made it clear that he had to know everything; and that involved letting my guard down. When this had happened, he became my everything, as pathetic as it sounds, my world began to relvolve around him. That's what made his words hurt even more, I'd given him everything, I'd let him in and he now knows things that no one else knows. And that honestly scares the crap out of me because the person that he's being now, is the kind of person that would tell people my secrets. And now, even over two months after breaking up, I still felt like a lost cause, I feel vulnerable because my guard is gone; it took me five years to build up and about a week for him to get rid of. I spent the entire relationship feeling like his puppet, like no matter what he did I'd always forgive him, love him and respect him. That wasn't a good feeling.

When someone who you hold in such high regard tells you "I prefer your hair up", you wear your hair up. When they say "You're simple", you begin studying more and using bigger words. When they tell you "You're wearing too much makeup today", you make sure you wear less the next day. When they say"I don't like earrings on you", you don't wear earrings. When you're told "Your hips are too big for a maxi dress", you avoid maxi dresses and immediately hate your hips. When they say "If I could change anything, I'd make your legs skinnier and your skin better", it hurts, you cry, you despise your legs and you want to cover up your skin as much as possible but he doesn't like you wearing lots of makeup.

And those feelings don't go away quickly. Nope.
They're still with me, I even feel as if I'm doing something wrong if I wear earrings or more makeup than usual. It's not right, or fair! What the hell is this!? How could I let that happen?


Why I'm writing this is so that anyone in a similar relationship is aware that it is not right. People should go into a relationship accepting that person for who they are, not because they like some things but are planning to change others. Yes, I am only young and I am fully aware that people have experienced worse relationships than mine, but I'm writing from my experience in the hope of helping others.
No one deserves to be treated badly. Everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are. No one has the right to manipulate, hurt, define and ridicule anyone.
Whether it be in a relationship, a friendship, a family, society, it is not fair and it needs to stop.

#8 Picture perfect wonderspace

Lying on the mattress in the far corner of the white washed walls with a few posters of rock bands, Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson, gazing intently at the electric and acoustic guitar standing next to eachother on the opposite side of the room. The sun beamed through the window just to the right of the bed, and hit the immaculate surface of the guitar, filling the room with a glow that created an even more surreal mood. After this morning's events; the walk around Salisbury, the coffee they shared in the grounds surrounding the Cathedral, the conversations of music and life, everything felt right. Everything felt better, if tainted a little. She knew that what was happening, couldn't last for more than this day.

She turned her head and caught his crystal clear blue eyes gazing at her as intently as she was at the guitars, the connection was electric, there is no other way to describe it. The feelings were obvious;  neither had said it in so many words, but they knew. And how her boyfriend hadn't noticed, I do not know. Thoughts of this moment, this day, her, him, right now, swam wildly through their minds, only calming when their eyes met. The slightest hint of a smile on her face, made his stomach flutter, and smile widen ammensely.

They felt as if they were lying on a mattress of clouds, pillows of candyfloss and wrapped in a duvet of feathers, when in fact they were on a hand-me-down mattress, flat pillows and a standard duvet, but this didnt matter to either of them, they barely had time to notice. All they could see now was eachother.

Hours passed. The day had felt as if it were purposely ending fast do that they would want to stay longer, but she had to leave. Her boyfriend would be home in exactly 1 hour and 37 minutes, according to the laptop that was providing them with the songs of the late, great Amy Winehouse, who they both adored. The laptop then cut out, it was an oddly formed blessing. Even in silence, they felt the same; both in awe of eachother, shocked by their feelings and overwhelmed by their day.
He remembered how she was looking at the guitar, he jumped up, grabbed the guitar, and sang to her. In any other situation, this would've been terribly cheesey and uncomfortable, but he is so talented, she felt as if she had fallen for him, but she felt silly; almost unworthy despite all of his efforts. As his beautiful song ended, they knew she had to leave. He wanted her to stay, and she wanted him to want her to stay. But she had to go.

They held hands for the entire walk from his house, through the city centre and to the bus station, which was risky, but they had to be close. Her bus was already there, which was a disappointment, she was just wishing for any excuse to stay longer, as was he. She stood on her toes and gently placed her arms around his shoulders, he was unsure of whether to give her a polite hug, or hold on tightly as if he was never going to let go. Luckily for both of them, he went with the second option. One last glance and she was on the bus, he waited until the bus drove away, making it even harder for both of them.

And then it was over. Finished. The end.
If only...

#5 A pretty damn big eraser would be needed

If I was to erase my mistakes, not only would I spend lots of money on erasers, but I would be lost and I wouldn't be half the person I am.

I wouldn't know that acting up for attention isn't the only way to get it.
I wouldn't know that guys that know all the lines, appear to be perfect, appear to care and appear to always be right, are never what they seem.
I wouldn't know that no matter how much you care for someone, you shouldn't change who you are to improve their opinion of you.
And I wouldn't know that it's okay to be selfish sometimes.

Mistakes, memories and scars shape you into the person you are meant to be. Without them, you would be bland. Inexperienced. And powerless. You need memories of mistakes to remind you not to make them again, you need to see or feel the scars so that you are reminded. I'm not saying that you should let them rule your life, in the slightest. I'm saying learn from them. Simple as that. Someone hurts you, don't let it happen again. You mess up, laugh about it and remember, something better will come along in the long run. No matter what the mistake is, there is a lesson. It may take time finding it, but you will, and it will be worth the experience and the thought.

#4 Demonic daydreams

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"

Those moments when you daydream about someone who you dislike being hit by a bus. Providing you with a negative, but undeniable, feeling of happiness!
There are two ways to look at revenge, either; "give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot" and punish the offender, or "an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind".

Either one can be right, it all depends on the circumstances. In most situations, I would go with "an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind", take the high road and show that person, or group of people, that you are ten times better than they could ever wish to be, as well as being ten thousand times better off without them! A smile is the sweetest form of revenge, it is also sneaky. No one, apart from you, knows if you are purposely happy for the sake of making them wonder how you could possibly live without their 'intense importance' and 'unbelievable talents', or whether you have moved on and let go of the anger you felt towards them. Either way, you will end up happy and proud, as you deserve to be. That is exactly how it should be; you're in control, and on the right track.

If you let people that have hurt you, see that they've hurt you, you lose. On the other hand, if you get hurt, don't bottle up your emotions, but channel them into something that will benefit you. DING DING DING, we have a winner...and who's that? You!

Remember: Revenge is only sweet if you are.


Quotes from:
The Buddha- apparently
The Bible, in Exodus 21:23
Martin Luther King Jr.